Okay it does matter. But it really doesn’t. Well it does. Not really. I’ll explain.
These past few weeks I’ve been learning so much. In all of my classes I’ve been being challenged to think outside of my comfort zone and manage 4-5 hours of homework a day. I’ve been dealing with the responsibilities of a designated class tutor, constantly confronted with things I do not know and cannot control.
But slowly and slowly, behind the maelstrom of emotions flooding my head telling me that I cannot do this, I’ve been learning so much Chemistry, so much Calculus, so much about people and the world, but more than that I’ve been learning gratitude, patience, my limits, but most of all about God.
Because I’m not in control of where I am going. God is.
On Friday, me and my friends tried to make studying fun by face planting onto bean bags every time we got an answer right. We studied our heads off till 10:30 straight after school. And junior year is really hard so far. The comparison game is in full swing. Becoming sad is really normal. Sometimes I feel like I don’t have a life and I wish I were a normal kid outside having fun.
And sometimes I wonder why the heck I try in school when I feel it doesn’t even matter. I am very well aware that most of the times God has used me he has used me and my heart, rather than my grades. The truth is God doesn’t need you to be amazing at anything in order to use you. He can use you right where you are.
When I am at school, I need to remember that I’m not chasing grades, but chasing God. My goal is to make this world a better place, not get straight A+s. School doesn’t matter because God doesn’t need it to use you. But since every day that is where I am, that is where God is calling me to be. I try in school because I do my best for Jesus, because I know one day he’ll use every piece of me.
Junior year is a giant brick wall that I cannot seem to get over right now. But the amount of people who have been walking through this me with me make me feel ever so grateful. And I may not know how I’ll make it through, but I know that God must be working my feckless self into a beautiful masterpiece.