I think that life knocks you down so hard sometimes
And then it knocks the wind out of you and your face.
It’s like watching waves crash upon the shore
It has such a calming effect
Except when you’re stuck in the middle of them.
You see the beauty on the outside
But in the middle, you’re trapped amidst fear and doubt.
I think sometimes I hold on to my performance like its worth more than me
And when I don’t measure up the ocean slowly devours me
The tears begin to fall and I toss and turn and scream
I’m stressed and I’m stressed and desire to be free
I want to be myself and find peace.
I think sometimes I’m blind, incomplete
I can only see the tests I have tomorrow when there’s so much more to reach
I am tested and I fail, and I try and I fail, and I take a deep breath and try again only to crash
hard against rocks that split my head open, tossed through the current of the unknown where it all comes out
My true motives and desires.
All the pride I once felt from anything I’ve done gushes out and the water comes in
Washing away the corroded bits of my maze
The thoughts that have been eroding me
that I should have jettisoned long ago into space.
Does the tide ever calm? I wonder
At the end of the day.
And then everything that’s left of me washes up onto the surface
The parts of me that matter
And the pieces of my head once astray find each other
They begin to mend.
Finally, she picks herself up and tries again
Holding her ground in defense against stress
This time a little bit stronger.