My 2016 Reflection

Everyone’s been posting about how 2016 was the worst year ever. I’m writing this post to convince myself that it wasn’t that bad. I am going to write about all the bad things and then the good things because I want the good to outweigh the bad. When I’m talking about the bad stuff, it’s going to sound really pessimistic but I promise the positive will come later! Here goes. 

This was such a rough year for me. My last semester of sophomore year was so stressful. When I came home from my incredibly amazing mission trip I had gone on with a new church, I didn’t feel like I belonged at my home church anymore. I went church shopping and it was so stressful even though  I ended up eventually coming back to my home church and feeling at home. To feel like you don’t belong somewhere you’ve grown up all your life is hard nevertheless. 

I went through so much with dance. I didn’t know if it was what I wanted to do, and would come home feeling so discouraged and empty. I cried so much after the recital when my parents didn’t give me any word of approval afterwards, and I thought they didn’t care. Even though it was just a misunderstanding, it was still rough. This was the year I fainted in the bathroom over the summer and injured my hip and couldn’t dance again. It was also the year I quit dance once and for all. 

It was the year my eczema got so bad. It had never been this bad in my life until 2 weeks before my AP French test, which I put so much effort into studying for and didn’t even succeed on. My life transformed into a regiment of creams, scratching and sleepless nights. It made me so depressed and insecure, and was another reason why I hated going to dance class. I’m still struggling like crazy with this chronic skin disease now. 

It was the year I dealt with 4-5 hours of homework a night. Junior year so far has just been hell. Eczema and stess do not go together well. I cried so much this year. School was so abrasive and discouraging. It was the year I was daring enough to take AP chem, the hardest class at my school, and it ruined my social life and made me feel so stupid. It was the year my results didn’t amount to my efforts. It was the year I had a panic attack in English and burst into tears so many times at church. It was a year I felt so inadequate at times and lacked a balanced life as I didn’t have dance anymore. 

Okay, onto the positive stuff. I’m really excited about this. 

It was the year I went on a mission trip with another church. It was the most amazing trip of my life. It confirmed my dreams and I lead someone to Christ there. The trip was a dream come true and God truly revealed himself in a new way to me there. It was so out of my comfort zone, but so worth it.

Just as my eczema started flaring up and I started to get discouraged, towards the end of my sophomore year I got 2 awards in school from my Chemistry teacher and my AP French teacher. I was so grateful and they really blew me away. It was the year I started to believe that I was smart. It was the first year I got straight As in my life. That was the semester I gave an amazing speech for my English final about bullying that was so set apart from everyone else’s. That semester, though difficult, worked out perfectly.

That summer I volunteered at Summer Blast, a kids camp, and all my kids accepted Christ. It was the summer I went to Union Gospel Mission to lead worship and it was the most amazing thing ever. It was the summer or many biking adventures with Chloe and bonding moments with Josephine. It was the summer I started volunteering at the hospital I love so much. It was the year all my experiences got used as I opened up to patients as I tried to meet their needs. It was the year many patients moved me to pieces with their hugs, tears and words of gratitude for me. Their experiences have grown my world so much and praying for these people has brought me closer to God than I’ve ever been before. Volunteering at the hospital has by far been my favorite thing about this year. 

It was the beginning of Junior year I decided to be really ambitious. AP Chemistry may have ruined my social life but it taught me so much. It broke me down at times but also built me up. I don’t think I can ever call a class difficult again after this. My hard work didn’t pay off in grades all the time but I wouldn’t trade a 4.0 for the lessons I’ve learned in that class for the life of me. That class exposed but strengthened all of my weaknesses as a person. It has taught me to ask myself, “What can I do?” rather than giving up right away. 

It was the year I started a blog 🙂 and the year I got an A in my extremely rigorous AP English class. I cried in that class but I still love it so much. That class allowed me to express myself like no other. 

It was the year I was a class tutor for the IM2 kids. That has been such an incredibly rewarding and healing expereince after all I’ve been through in school. I wanted to know the kids and the kids to know me, and they do. Being a role model for them has humbled me so much. 

It was the year I quit dance, but also gained a mentor from doing so. Also, not having dance to solve all my problems forced me to rely on God more. That has been out of my comfort zone but greatly rewarding. 

I’m sure there are many more things I can’t think of right now but to sum up, this was a year full of hardship with moments of joy in between. Many of my high moments came out of low ones, and I think that’s a beautiful thing. I have definitely grown a lot in 2016. I know that I can conquer anything this new year throws at me. Like eczema. 

2017, bring it on 🙂 

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