Perhaps this is what it feels like to have peace. It’s not understanding anything, but knowing that’s okay. It’s trying to do the impossible, but having all the resources to succeed. It’s fighting like crazy to understand, and slowly starting to understand each day. It’s learning to breathe, and hear me when I say learning. It’s being imperfect, and working hard to not be perfect, but to grow.
Peace is not understanding God, but consigning your life to him anyways knowing that what he has in store is better for you. It is choosing to follow him even though it’s going to hurt probably a lot. It is knowing that all growth takes risk and accepting that you will undergo hardship, because those hardships will be worth it in the end. It is knowing that you don’t belong here in these worldly affairs, that earthly capablilites are quite amazing but eternal capablilites are even better. It is accepting that your amazing body is flawed, and those flaws make you beautiful.
Today, I’m so grateful for encouraging texts, dog pictures, and people who remind me that I’m never alone. Ever since I’ve consigned my life to God, I’ve wrestled with his abstruseness and he’s molded me a lot. But today as the anxiety is real and there is so much to do, I know that because I’ve given my life over to Him, I have nothing to worry. He’s in control, and I’m sitting in the shotgun of his car. I put him there because I trust him. There is peace in that. So therefore I will not try to push him out of the driver’s seat and drive myself, because then of course I will never experience peace.